When I set out to find an audience for my new personal development blog — cheekily named “Zen Habits” — I didn’t know where to start. It seemed like every little blogger was screaming, “Come read my blog!”
How do you get yourself heard above this screaming crowd?
The answer is not to scream. It is to create something so good that people are naturally attracted to your blog.
Good blogging is an act of seduction. That might sound sexual until you realize what seduction really is, at its core: seduction is simply being irresistible, being something that the other person is looking for, and then showing that person how irresistible you are.
When a guy approaches a woman at a bar, should he scream at her “BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME!!!”, or is it better if he confidently (and honestly) shows her that he is what she’s looking for? Someone who is confident, strong, intelligent, adventurous, good at relationships, hard-working, exciting.
In my experience, the second approach works. Screaming does nothing but put the woman off. Showing her what a great person you are, actually demonstrating it, works much better. Blogging is the same way: when you try to get people to come by screaming at them that they should come, they are put off. Show them how great you are, in an understated but confident (and again, honest) manner, and they become attracted.
I’ve studied blogging and all the approaches that bloggers have used to draw readers to their blogs. I’ve also studied the craft of pickup artists — not because I need it (I’m married to a beautiful woman and I’m not interested in anyone else), but because it fascinates me. It is a study in human psychology, and it applies absolutely to blogging.
The worst pickup artists are braggers, screamers; disrespectful to women. The best pickup artists respect women and know how to show that in their approach. They understand what women are looking for … and they start by improving themselves in actuality (not just in appearance) so that they are what most women want. This might sound artificial, but what is wrong with turning yourself into someone who is adventurous yet stable, exciting yet hard-working, a leader: respectful and honest, strong and kind?
And that leads us to the lessons of blogging and the art of seduction.
You don’t start seduction as you walk up to your potential partner. At that point you’ve already done most of the work. You’ve already created the person (or the blog) that is irresistible and is what your partner has been seeking.
What is the reader looking for? That depends on what kind of reader you’re looking for, but here are some generalizations:
Of the above, the first is the most important, and the others are variations on the first. Start by doing these things and the rest is easy.
Again, people who scream or who are pushy usually have the opposite effect on their desired partner — they push them away. There’s no need for that. A person (or blogger) who is valuable and worthy isn’t desperate. Rather, he is confident in his worth.
As a blogger, that means you shouldn’t be desperate to get the reader. Don’t go on Twitter and Facebook and beg for likes or retweets. Don’t have a pop-up box that asks the reader to subscribe or download your ebook. Simply provide great content, and the rest will come.
Be valuable and be confident in the value you provide.
The best pickup artists are irresistible because they have great stories. These stories are entertaining, so the bored woman sitting at a bar would much rather hear the stories than get hit on by a bunch of losers.
Here’s the secret: the stories these artists are telling aren’t only entertaining — they demonstrate value. They show how the pickup artist is adventurous, a leader, exciting, strong, good at relationships, leads an interesting life, is worthy. These stories are also honest — made-up stories will lead to people being disillusioned later. That’s not good.
So tell stories to your readers. Not long, boring ones with no point — concise, entertaining stories that demonstrate your worth. Stories which show that you have achieved things, solved problems they want to solve — that you live a life they want to live. And above all, stories that are honest and human.
You are not a god and you’re not perfect. Show that, but also show that you’ve overcome your limitations and mistakes to be better than you were.
Learn the art of storytelling, and your job as a blogger is almost done.
Make the girl chase you instead of chasing after her. I know that common wisdom is that women like to be chased after, but in reality they don’t like being hounded and stalked. Neither do readers. Readers would rather go to the blogs they want, than have blogs they’re not interested in come after them and try to trick or push them into giving up their email address.
Great content on your blog will be shared by your readers, and that will draw other readers to you. Readers like to see that other readers find you interesting and valuable — that’s social proof that is better than you saying it on your own.
How do you draw readers to you, or get your existing readers to share your stuff? There’s only one way, with many variations: create amazing content. Create a guide to doing something that is incredibly useful. Answer people’s most common problems, or show them how to fix the most common mistakes. Create an ebook or course. Do amazing interviews. Provide a list of links and valuable resources. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.
I’ve stressed this several times already, but I’ll say it again: seduction, pick-up and blogging are not about tricking people or making yourself look better than you are. Most people will either see right through that, or they’ll find out later.
In pick-up, if you trick a woman into bed and she finds out later that you lied, you might feel good about that. I wouldn’t — for me, seduction is about relationships, not a one-night stand. In blogging, when readers find out that you’re more hype than substance, or that you’ve been dishonest, they’ll tell other potential readers. They’ll all unsubscribe.
Author: Leo Babauta